can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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