Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
