Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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