i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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