So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
