Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
