we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
