so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
