i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
