Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize