The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
