Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
