I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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