he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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