Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's blow job season.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
