go do what you do best...puke behind churches
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize