someone threw a dead crab at me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
