dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
