Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
