ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
