dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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