doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize