I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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