Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
