I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
