There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
