I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
