You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
how drunk are you?
Several
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
