The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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