you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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