I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
