how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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