Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize