Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
