She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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