Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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