Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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