Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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