eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
