I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
