There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
