Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
