Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
