Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Bring me that man meat
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
