Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
