Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
