you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
