my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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