does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
