I wish I only lived at night.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I checked into jail on foursquare
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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