I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize