3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
