just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
