Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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