I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
