he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it glows. i had to have it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
