The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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