I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
