Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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