You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
