Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
