there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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