tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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