I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
