so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The best revenge is premature balding
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
