You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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