I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
