Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
