They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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