So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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