dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
