We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im calling her cock vulture from now on
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
