The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
