are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
