we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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