Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
