I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize