so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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