That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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