If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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