I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
