SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
